Cabbage Patch Doll

Kerry Katona claims to have lost six stone in nine months, yeah right!  She certainly looks better now than the cabbage patch doll look she was going for in the past but six stone, rubbish.

As we all know, the chubby, excuse for a singer, underwent £15,000 worth of surgery, although she claims to have lost the weight through healthy eating and exercise. Strange as most of the photographs I’ve seen of her recently shows her stuffing something down her throat, and since when have burgers, chips and ice-cream been healthy!

She reckons she went up to over fourteen stone while pregnant with her last child and was down to twelve stone when he was born.  She now says she’s eight stone.  Well, forgive me if I’m wrong but 12-8=4, having two stone of fat sucked out of you does not count as a healthy diet!  Obviously her maths is as crap as her singing.

She says she would like to put half-a-stone back on, well don’t worry Kerry, I’m sure you will and more and I doubt it will be that long either.

The girl is definitely to thick to ever be too thin!

Best Dad In The World

Now here’s a surprise, Mark Croft, sleazy husband of Kerry Katona has said that at the moment he wants nothing to do with his son from a relationship with an ex-girlfriend.

He said on an MTV show after the paternity tests confirmed he is the father

“It sounds nasty but I’ve got my family, I don’t want anything to do with him but financially I’ll do best I can to help out that way and it’s not up for discussion.

Kerry has said to me she thinks I’m making the wrong decision by not getting involved with him but, at the minute, I’m not ready to have another son brought into my life.”

Yes, it does sound nasty, but what else would we expect from the waste of space.  You had sex with his mother without contraception, everyone knows whats likely to happen, although that child has to be so much better off without him in his life.

Lily Allen has rated her latest TV Chat show as “probably five out of ten”, a little higher than anyone else would have given it, but when it’s you own programme!

Anyone could sit in a studio hosting old ‘You Tube’ clips, in fact we can do it ourselves.  The first series was bad enough but then a second was actually made, why?.  I don’t know who actually watched it but you are also responsible for the complete load of crap, they thought you liked it!

Pamela Anderson

Attention seeker Pamela Anderson actually turned up at an Art exhibition wearing pants and vest in Miami

The event by her photographer friend David LaChappelle, saw the ex-Baywatch actress star arrive in a pair of orange and black pants with an off-the-shoulder blue T-Shirt and a knitted hat, what a mess!

That woman has no class what-so-ever, and sadly, the attention she gets is not because she looks hot, it’s embarrassing, her poor sons!

You need to start acting and dressing your age Anderson, you are now just making people cringe with your outfits!

Mark Croft, husband of Kerry ‘P***head’ Katona, has fathered a lovechild, now there’s a surprise and I doubt that there was any love involved.

The ex-singer! is also said to be upset after the father of her two eldest children Brian McFadden, has asked for them to spend Christmas with him rather than support and look after their mother.  Well Katona, it’s about time you learned that it should be the other way around, they’re just little girls!

Cat Fight!

Jenny Frost, one of the singers from girl band ‘Atomic Kitten’, has branded alcoholic Kerry Katona as ‘Tacky’, allegedly.  Spot on!

Frost was the replacement for Katona back in 2001, and apparently gave her views of the TV Reality star earlier this week.

She allegedly said “The only thing worse than Kerry Katona is her husband”, Whoa, Cat fight on the horizon!

Amy Winehouse has apparently admitted that her marriage to Blake Fielder-Civil is over, No, really!  If rumours are to be true, he has now taken up with the mystery blond, who declared her love for him at his court appearances.

There has got to be something seriously wrong about this girl, has she not seen what he has reduced his wife too!

What A Bitch

Jennifer Aniston spoke out recently about her feelings on Angelina Jolie in an interview with U.S. Vogue.  Ms. Jolie has confessed that she fell in love with Brad Pitt during the filming of Mr & Mrs Jones to which Ms. Aniston described as “Uncool”.

I think I could have found a few other words for someone who stole my husband from me, although we know it takes two, so Mr Pitt isn’t blameless either.  If the marriage between Jennifer and Brad had been that good they would still have been together!

According to reports, Kerry Katona may not be with Iceland for much longer after the frozen food giant has apparently been flooded with complaints about the former Atomic Kitten singer.

The company had previously insisted they would stand by Katona but have not confirmed that they would be reviewing her contract at the appropriate time.  She shouldn’t be on our screens at all, there are plenty of good living celebrities out there who deserve the spotlight more than she ever did.

The programme hasn’t even started yet but the contestants on the new I’m A Celebrity… are already arguing amongst themselves.

George Takei, who played Mr Sulu in Star Trek, started the ball rolling after turning-up at the airport with nobody to meet him and from there it just got worse as the celebrities discovered the differences in their payments for the show.

Seems to me it would make more sense to agree a fee depending on the time they spend in the jungle, the ones that are voted off should get a minimal amount of money, and their wage should increase with their length of stay.  They are normally voted off because they are disliked or because they are crap, their pay should reflect that.

Fashion

Lorraine Kelly, Put it away, please!  She talks about fashion on her show yet doesn’t seem to understand the first thing about it.

Her latest appearance at the Lloyds TSB BAFTA Scotlands Awards in Glasgow, saw her in the most unflattering dress yet, full on cleavage nightwear, although maybe a decent bra might have helped a little, just awful.

Amanda Holden, what are you doing?.  A totally embarrassing scene on the new Gordon Ramsey programme,  ‘Cookalong Live show’.

The two flirted continuously throughout the show, with Holden, at one stage, hoisting up her skirt to reveal the top of her hold-ups to show how she could do the splits, how is that an advantage to cooking exactly?

Many of the viewers must have been cringing watching the show as the attention-seeking actress made a complete show of herself and as for the giggling little chef!

Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like Iceland will be ditching Kerry Katona after her latest revelation, that she is an alcoholic, surprise, surprise.

Anyway, she will once again be bringing us Christmas Cheer with the new Iceland adverts, but wait, it gets worse, she is to be joined by Coleen Nolan (ho,ho,ho)

Kerry Katona

Only a couple of weeks ago, Kerry Katona was given an extra two weeks to pay off a tax bill, said to be around £417,000.

Katona, did not attend the hearing at London’s High Court when the agreement to adjourn for a further two weeks was declared but the registrar said,

“I am going to mark it for settlement of the balance.  I am going to mark it final.”

He also stressed that bankruptcy petitions,

“are not to be held over someones head indefinitely.”

Katona is due back to court on August 21st, where the petition must either be dismissed or have the bankruptcy order made.

This week, however, Katona has allegedly told the world that she is going to spend £15,000 on a total body makeover.

According to the former Atomic Kitten singer, she is a size 12 but wants to return to being a size 8.  She is planning a breast reduction from a GG to a DD, liposuction and laser treatment for her stretch marks.

So how skint is Katona exactly!

She would like to get back to eight and a half stone, yeh right, and reckons she’s already on track.  She has allegedly said to the Daily Mail “I’ve lost two stone in a week – a lot of it was water and I’ve just been eating Special K and no curry and chips.”  and you’ve just given birth, so there’s an extra few pounds!  Nice too see she’s eating a well-balanced diet though!

She apparently told OK magazine “I want to start exercising.  The beef curry cravings have gone and I’m trying to focus on getting my figure back.  Watching MTV and seeing me so morbid and depressed was awful.”  do cravings actually last for years!

Katona, the mother of three girls and a boy, came under constant fire for continuing to drink and smoke throughout her pregancy, but says they are both fine.  She said “There have been constant reports about my well-being since giving birth, but I can safely say I’m doing really well.”

“Max is keeping me up with all the night feeds but at least he’s feeding, because with him being five weeks premature he needs to get a move on and grow!

She also said “I’ve had that much slating from people talking about me drinking and smoking while pregnant, it’s almost as if they wanted me to give birth to a sick child, but I’m ignoring them all and I can safely say that my baby is happy and as fit as a fiddle.”

I‘m not really sure what planet she is actually on, as she seems to think her baby would show obvious signs of her drinking and smoking habits as soon as he was born.  Maybe a little smokers cough, or hiccups perhaps! 

You carry on ignoring everybody Kerry! 

It is claimed it is because the ex-singer was on the verge of a nervous breakdown. another one! 

All filming will stop this week, but MTV will show three more episodes and a finale so that Katona can tell everyone the reasons for her ending the show ahead of schedule.

A show source said “Kerry had been stressed and we’ve had to stop filming quite a few times.  Then she and Mark told us they won’t do anymore.”

In another family twist to add the their woes, their mothers had an interview released in the tabloids today with both women agreeing that they need to end the ‘destructive’ relationship.

Mark’s mother, Marilyn Croft, apparently claimed her son “Is only with Kerry for her money.  Mark and Kerry shouldn’t be together.  They are like a car crash.  They bring out the worst in each other.  I love my son but, much as I hate to say it, the reason he is with her is for the money and the lifestyle she gives.  They haven’t even signed a pre-nup agreement and it is a terrible thing for a mother to think of her own son but he would take her for everything if they finished.  It’s very difficult to think so badly of your children.  The only way we can tell them we are concerned is by speaking out like this.  It’s a terrible thing but the sooner they split up the better.  It would be best for everyone.”   There seems to be only one person who can’t actually grasp the reality of the situation here and that’s Kerry, we can all see exactly what his game is! 

Sue Katona, Kerry’s mother is more concerned for her troubled daughter and her grandchildren Molly 6, Lilly-Sue 5 and Heidi 1.  The former drug addict and alcoholic said “I have genuine fears for her health.  She isn’t well mentally or physically and I am concerned for her.  She is going to end up as the next Anna Nicole Smith if she carries on the way she is.  Her life seems to be going from bad to worse.  I’ve heard through friends that her diet is terrible and that she’s still drinking even though she’s pregnant, and that she’s bedridden.”

Neither Kerry or Mark are in contact with their mothers after Mark’s mother and Kerry accused each other of physical attacks on New Year’s Eve, and Kerry’s mother, because she sold a story to the newspapers accusing Mark of being a drug dealer.

Kerry really needs to start taking notice of the people around her for the safety of her children if nothing else.  She seems to be in no fit state to care for herself or make decisions, the girl needs help and the first step should be to get rid of that awful creep of a husband, before everything is destroyed! 

Ex-Atomic Kitten Kerry, was reported to have taken a drugs test earlier this year after a former friend told a Sunday newspaper that the singer was taking cocaine while pregnant.

The test was supposedly taken on a strand of hair – which can carry evidence or recreational drug use for up to six months after being used – and the results are negative. She was reported to have said “How terrible to give birth to a beautiful baby that then has to be weaned off drugs that have been pumped into it’s tiny body.”

Katona has also apparently tried to cancel the contract she has for the MTV reality TV show, ‘Crazy In Love’ only weeks after it started.

She is said to be devastated by the way she and her partner Mark Croft have been portrayed. She told friends “Me and Mark look so bad.” Yep!

Katona has been watched drinking and smoking throughout her pregnancy and has even been seen visiting a hypnotist in a bid to stop smoking. What was it you said earlier about pumping drugs into it’s tiny body!

She was later seen imitating smoking a cigarette with a lip-gloss and asking her little girl, Molly 6 years old, if she could have one but her daughter said “No missy, if you do you’re grounded.”

Well at least someone in the family has some values then!