Problem Solved!

Not a celebrity this time but a stupid teenager who went to a tattoo parlour to have some stars tattooed onto her face and then tried to sue the tattooist when she realised how pathetic she looked.

The 18-year-old from Belgium, claims she asked the tattoo artist for three stars next to her eye but fell asleep and awoke with 56 stars all over one side of her face.

Now forgive me if I’m wrong, but anyone who has ever had a tattoo will find this almost impossible to believe unless of course they are blind drunk.

The girl believes that the Romanian tattooist misunderstood her French and English, and claims that she is now too embarrassed to go out in public.  Surely it would have been quite simple to write the number down for clarification or just holding up three fingers, duh!

The tattooist is absolutely adamant that she asked for the 56 stars, which was also confirmed by a witness at the parlour, and that not only did she keep checking in the mirror at he proceeded but was happy with the artwork when she left the shop.

He believes that it was went she went home that it all changed when her father saw what she had had done.  The tattooist has even offered to pay half the costs of laser treatment to have the stars removed which is rumoured to be at a cost of £8,500.

Why on earth should this man pay for the girls stupidity although he has said that the publicity has been great for him.  She got what she asked for now she can either earn the money to have them removed or live with it so that everyone can thank their ‘lucky stars’ that they had never done anything quite so ridiculous!

The only thing I could possibly say on the side of the girl, is that there should be an age limit for this sort of artwork and a possible consultation before this permanent procedure is undertaken.

Take Your Pick!

Susan Boyle, the latest biggest find on ‘Britain’s Got Talent’, I just don’t get it, she sounds alright but I can’t see what is so special, certainly not her looks that’s for sure!

Some American woman has now created a Susan Boyle doll that she is selling over the Internet and it’s worse than the real thing.  This very sad creator has confessed to watching the singer at least 1000 times on YouTube before embarking on making a look-alike to commemorate the Scot’s talent, well as far as I can tell they are equally as bad, but at least the doll doesn’t sing.

The woman seems to be appearing everywhere with the media loving the fact that she is a 47-year-old virgin, why are they so surprised, look at the woman!  There again if she was good looking she wouldn’t have got as far as she has!

The worst of the media attention that this unfortunate-looking woman has received is the reported $1 million to lose her virginity in front of the camera, oh please, I think we could probably raise more than that by paying for her not to appear in any porno movies!

Liberty X

I never realised how popular the former Liberty X singer Michelle Heaton was until now!  She has recently been one of the contestants on Celebrity Big Brother, but was voted off the show on Monday evening much to everyone’s relief.

Her ex-husband Andy Scott-Lee, has now come forward to give his true feeling on his ex-wife and why their marriage ended after  just sixteen-months.

Mr Scott-Lee allegedly revealed in an interview that Heaton had cheated on him at least ten times.  He said,

“I kept thinking, ‘Where do I go? I’m married to someone who is a liar and is behaving like a slag.’  I think if she could have carried on and not got caught, she would have.

I lost respect for her.  When you get married, it’s for life.  You give yourself to that person.  I didn’t know what to do.  I had to live for months knowing all that shit and trying to work out what to do.

She’s not the person I thought I knew, she fooled me big time.”

What a first class wife she was, let’s hope she gets everything she deserves and ends up a very lonely old lady!

Chris Moyles

Fat bloke Chris Moyles, has disgracefully told his Radio 1 show listeners “If you’re Polish you’re just very good at ironing…in my experience prostitutes make very good cleaners.”

The BBC have apparently said that what he said was misinterpreted!  Either way, the foul-mouthed DJ has never seemed funny, crude but not funny, despite having the perfect face for radio!

More rumours today that the two dyke’s Lindsay Lohan, who by the way is not a lesbian, and he/she Sam Ronson, have split up, who really gives a s**t!

Apparently Lohan was spotted out and about looking miserable, no change there then!  Lohan has also added a little message to her MySpace page stating that they are still together, how pleased am I!

For any of you out there that are thinking of ‘coming out’, be very careful, as it can make you start smoking!

Will Young has allegedly revealed that the stress of admitting his sexuality, started him smoking.  The report didn’t actually mention what he was smoking, so I will leave that for your imagination!

In the latest extracts from her memoirs, Mrs Blair said that when she had previously visited Balmoral in 1998, her bags had been unpacked for her including “the entire contents of my distinctly ancient toilet bag with its range of unmentionables.”

“This year [1999] I had been a little more circumspect, and had not packed my contraceptive equipment out of sheer embarrassment.  As usual up there it has been bitterly cold, and what with one thing and another… But then, I thought, oh I can’t be.  I’m too old.  It must be the menopause.”

So Cherie was too embarrassed to take along her contraceptive to the Queens residence but didn’t mind getting it on with old Tony in the bedroom though!

How embarrassed she must have been, to not only write it in a book which is to be published later this month, but also to have written in every newspaper on sale, Tony must be thrilled!

Here’s a little clip you might be interested in;

At the glittering World Première for the new British film ‘Flashbacks of a Fool’, Lily Allen arrived with her young actor brother, Alfie.

She appeared to be wearing an overall more likely to be seen on pre-school toddlers for their painting class. The blue gingham smock, which also looked like it could do with a run-over with the iron, was teamed with black tights and blue shoes, she looked horrendous.

Alfie Allen didn’t look much better, although he did manage to wear a suit and no tie of course, with his dirty, scruffy trainers.

Lily with her new blond hairdo, hid behind a large pair of red framed sunglasses and left looking glum which could be down to the recent falling out with Alfie’s girlfriend, Jaime Winstone.

Ms. Allen and Jaime were often seen together until recently when according to a source “Jaime and Lily were really close at one point. They would go out partying together with Lily’s pals, including Agyness Deyn, and talk on the phone regularly. It was nice to see. but Lily started to notice that her mates, some famous and others not, were starting to see Jaime without inviting Lily. At first Lily thought nothing of it – she is not the jealous type or insecure. But it all came to a head when Lily phoned to invite a friend out to a party. She thought her mate was blowing her out for Jaime after he said he may come along later, but he was at Jaime’s house first. Lily ended up phoning Jaime and started to have a go at her because she had introduced them. They haven’t been speaking since, which is obviously awkward as Jaime is dating Lily’s brother. People started to notice something was wrong at Jodie Harsh’s birthday party last month. Jaime blatantly walked past without even looking at her. Everyone was talking about it because it was quite an obvious thing that Jaime done. Lily didn’t show that she was bothered at all. Lily and Jaime will make up without a doubt, they are both just being stubborn.” Remind anyone of their school days!

The tattoo is of Ms. Winehouse with a pair of scissors up her nose which he apparently replicated from a 1970’s anti-drug advertisement.

He said “People like Amy Winehouse are given all the chances in the world to make something of themselves and they just throw it away.   When they do bad things they just get more attention.  People almost idolise her and there are people out there who are stupid enough to go out there and copy her”.      Well that`s just got her some more attention and lets hope there are not too many stupid people out there who are going to copy you!

Apparently, he got the idea from a poster he saw in an art book with a similar picture and the words “No…no…noses weren’t made for cocaine either”  a little play on the words of the song Rehab there.  At the bottom of the tattoo is the words “Back to Crack” can ya guess what it is yet, as little Rolf Harris would say?… yep little play on the words of the song Back to Black, isn’t he clever!

The tattoo should have cost him £400 but he got it for free from his friend Sean Wood from Woody’s Tattoo Studio in Octogan Parade, High Wycombe.  Too right he let you have it for free look at the advertising its getting him, smart cookie!  not only is he quids in but he’s not the one stuck with that bloody great tattoo on his leg for the rest of his life, oh how he laughed.

This bright spark went onto say that “A lot of people have come up to me in the pub and said Are you the guy with the Amy Winehouse tattoo you do realise that everyone is going to think your a fan of hers now don’t you!

 He did go on to say a few other things but I had lost total interest by then, what’s the point!

Anyway, if you would really like to see his leg look it up here: www.bucksfreepress.co.uk